went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
