i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
