Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she peed on how many people?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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