The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
