So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
