The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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