What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
