This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
