last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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