I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
