when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
