very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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