Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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