My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
