Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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