marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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