how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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