and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
