You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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