If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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