When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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