Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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