My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
