so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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