See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
