dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Randomize
