just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
