k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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