last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
