Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
