I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
