I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
