I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
