? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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