Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
