For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
