And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
