i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
