Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
