do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
