They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
