"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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