someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
