So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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