a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
