I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
