I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
