is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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