I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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