If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
