I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
